


Nott So Easily

by Ataraxxi



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Gen, Spoilers for episode 50, anxiety is a doozy you guys, canon typical caleb self hate, i was so scared for her you guys so fucking scared, something i just had to get out of my head after that emotional rollercoaster, theyre just super duper close, this is not intended to be romantic in any way btw
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-02
Updated: 2019-02-02
Packaged: 2019-10-20 21:57:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17630405
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ataraxxi/pseuds/Ataraxxi
Summary: When one spent hours trekking along a near identical stretch of tunnel, ten feet wide, ten feet high, with the same gently rolling walls, the same patter of footsteps echoing before and behind them, one’s mind tended to wander. And like a moth, Caleb’s mind was drawn to flame.





	Nott So Easily

Caleb would have been able to put it out of his mind, like everything else that had troubled him in the past, if it weren’t for the monotony of their travel. When one spent hours trekking along a near identical stretch of tunnel, ten feet wide, ten feet high, with the same gently rolling walls, the same patter of footsteps echoing before and behind them, one’s mind tended to wander. And like a moth, Caleb’s mind was drawn to flame. 

The visions played over and over in his mind. The giants with weapons of molten lava swinging blindly for his little friend. The bridge falling. Nott’s body reappearing in a burst of flames as the lava ignited her and her clothing on contact. The sight of her, wreathed in flame, unmoving. His thoughts were not kind enough to include her rescue in the flashbacks. He knew she was fine. She traveled with them all now, walking not twenty feet away from him, but still Caleb kept glancing at her to reassure himself she was there. 

“Oh, it is ten o’clock,” Caleb announced, when the hour arrived. The tunnel rang with the sound of Jester’s thaumaturgy, and they all stopped walking, glancing at one another. 

‘We all look awful,’ Caleb thought. He felt awful, too. It had been a long day. Between the kobolds, the fire giants, and all the monotonous travel, one and all they looked tired, battered, and dirty. After all, baths were not so easy to come by underground. He did not even have Frumpkin to hold onto. 

“I think it’s about time we settle down to rest,” Fjord said, and the rest of them agreed in chorus. Together, Caleb and Caduceus set up their usual nightly pocket-and-bubble, and one by one they settled in to sleep. 

Try as he might, Caleb could not sleep. Every time he closed his eyes, he saw Nott fallen into the river of fire once again, and it sent a shock of terror through him, dredged up memories he had tried so hard to push away. For an hour he tossed and turned fruitlessly. Finally, he sat up, hollow-eyed and hopeless. He drew his knees up to himself and looked over the others’ sleeping forms. 

A jolt went through him when he noticed large, gleaming eyes staring back at him from the darkness. He sighed out the breath he’d held when they began to move toward him. 

“Do not startle me like that, Nott,” Caleb said, laying a hand over his chest. 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to,” she apologized, carefully stepping over Jester’s tail as it swished lazily in her sleep. When she reached Caleb, she sat down beside him and put her hand on his knee. “You can’t sleep.”

It wasn’t a question. She knew him too well. He only nodded. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Nott asked, tilting her head to look him in the eye. The warmth and care in her voice- which carried so much more weight now that he knew she was a mother- filled his chest up with some unbearable feeling. Hers was the kind of voice that made him want to spill all his feelings out, because he knew he could trust her with them. He could tell her everything and she wouldn’t judge him. She would still be his friend, his closest companion. His family. 

_Not family. You kill family, you and your people._

He looked away from her, feeling the words he wanted to say batter up against the wall that kept them inside. They wouldn’t be able to come out. Not tonight at least. Instead, he cleared his throat, resettled into a cross-legged position, and crossed his arms. “Do you mind sitting up with me a while?” he rasped. 

He didn’t need to say anything more. Nott understood. Wordlessly, she crawled into his lap, and he put his arms around her. Like this, with her slight weight and warmth right there, he could tell himself she was safe. A little singed, but safe. She hugged him back and rested her cheek against his chest. 

They sat like that for a while. Caleb knew exactly how long, but measuring the time wasn’t important to him. Finally, he worked up the momentum to speak. Swallowing thickly, he whispered, “I thought I was going to lose you.” 

In the dark, Nott smiled, then reached up to cradle his scruffy cheek in one hand. “Don’t you worry about that any more,” she said. “We’re on the way to save my husband, so I’m not going down that easily. I’m just Nott.”


End file.
